I am a lost sheep...

...Tears in the darkness...
Silence...emptiness...
The void is engulfing me,
Swallowing me, slowly...tightening,
like the death grip of a python upon it's prey.

I reach out, blind in this ordered chaos.
Trapped in a maze,
I know not where to go.
I scream out....
nothing....

The silence is deafening,
Attempting to crush my soul.
Attempting to take away every sense until
all that is left is fear.
The scales start tipping...

I fall to my knees,
Agony and despair begin to cloud my mind.
I clutch at my heart...
a pause...
I am not alone.

I feel your presence,
A living reminder dangling...
Also, clutching at my heart.
I remember, the promise...
you would never leave.

Eyes adjusting,
the blanket of darkness is lifting.
I hear you calling...
"I am here."
I stand up...

I take a step forward...
I feel no pain.
Fear is slowly vanquished,
the scales tip back...
YOU have won...

I was driving home from my ight out when this came to mind. I wrote it to remind myself that life isn't so lonely and I am not alone, even though sometimes it feels so much like it is. Today, I've learned that in one word, life can be defined as "water." Nourishing, Refreshing, Bringing life, neverending, pure, everything. It can also be a "maze." Confusing, chaotic, whatever...you can feel lost, alone, be in the dark. But close your eyes and try not to concentrate on the RIGHT NOW, there's a bigger picture. If we're in a maze, it was created for a purpose, and although we do not know what it is, we will one day.

I feel like I'm all over the place lately. "Be selfish," they say. You need to put yourself @ no. 1... I say maybe you're right...hesitatingly. That can't be...it isn't like that. Selflessness is the bottom line. So what if I'm tired? So what if I haven't had any alone time...any "Jay" time...make use of EVERY moment...there IS "Jay" time...you just have to notice it's sitting there...maybe not in big huge slots...but in little cracks and crevices...one minute of meditation is worth more than a hundred dollars right now. The inspiration in my life never put himself first...as a matter of fact, he put himself so far behind everyone else...he Died. And maybe that's how I should see things...nothing I can do would ever be so selfless as that act. I get so caught up w/ myself sometimes...I really wish I could step outside my body and slap myself...well, I'm tired... this must make absolutely no sense at all...thank goodness I cater to a very small audience...if any audience at all.